Well, well, well, it looks like the drama at OpenAI is heating up. Helen Toner, from Georgetown’s Center for Security and Emerging Technology, has decided to break her silence and spill the tea on what’s really going on behind closed doors at this AI company. And let me tell you, it’s juicier than a ripe peach.

But hold up, hold up. Let’s just take a step back and appreciate the irony of a government surveillance expert talking about transparency and honesty in a tech company. Because we all know that Big Brother is always looking out for our best interests, right?

Anyway, let’s get to the good stuff. Apparently, Sam Altman, the CEO of OpenAI, has been keeping secrets from the board. Shocking, I know. Who would have thought that a CEO would actually want to, I don’t know, run his own damn company? And God forbid he actually has a financial stake in it. The nerve!

But it seems like the board members were just trying to do their job and make sure OpenAI stays true to its “public good mission.” Meanwhile, Altman was too busy pushing out new technology and advancing artificial intelligence to adult about the things he’d been hired to do at YCombinator.

How dare these self-righteous board members actually expect their president to actually lead??

So, anyway. Two executives suddenly had a change of heart and decided they didn’t trust Altman anymore. Of course, it had nothing to do with them getting passed over for promotions or wanting revenge after being fired. Nope, it was definitely because they were oh-so-concerned about AGI (because executives are obviously experts in AI safety).

And now there are high-profile departures? Oh no, not Jan Leike leaving for Anthropic. How will OpenAI ever survive without him?! Maybe if they spent less time worrying about shiny products and more time focusing on actual safety processes, they wouldn’t have so many people jumping ship.

But don’t worry folks, everything is fine now because Sam is back as CEO (again) and some other guy who voted against him got kicked off the board (again). Talk about stability!

In conclusion, thank you Helen Toner for giving us this riveting insight into the drama at OpenAI. Because what we really need in the world right now is more gossip and backstabbing instead of, you know, actually advancing technology. Keep up the great work, guys! And by great work, I mean keep stirring the pot and keeping us entertained.