Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire was terrible. There, I said it. Another installment of giant monsters smashing things like Vin Diesel smashes cars in the Fast and Furious movies. That’s all we need for a successful franchise these days. Forget plot, character development, or any semblance of substance – just give us more CGI destruction, am I right?

But hey, let’s not forget to throw in some recycled themes and half-baked attempts at symbolism to make it seem like there’s actually some depth to this mindless spectacle. Because nothing screams intellectual sci-fi like giant radioactive lizards duking it out for supremacy. Move over, Blade Runner, we’ve got skyscraper-sized monsters to worry about!

And let’s not even get started on the human characters. I mean, who needs well-rounded, diverse and relatable characters when you can have a bunch of generic, white, male protagonists? And let’s not forget the token female character who’s only purpose is to look pretty and scream a lot. Way to break those gender stereotypes, guys.

But hey, at least we’ve got some new monsters to add to the mix. Because clearly, there’s nothing more creative than basing them on Western mythology and culture. Who needs to explore the rich and diverse folklore of other cultures when you can just throw in a giant three-headed dragon and call it a day?

And let’s not even mention the missed opportunity to delve into the complex relationship between humans and monsters. Because why bother with nuanced themes and exploration of humanity’s impact on the natural world when you can just have giant monsters smashing things? Priorities, people.

In conclusion, if you’re looking for a thought-provoking and intellectually stimulating sci-fi experience, you’re better off re-watching the original Godzilla film. Because this franchise has lost its way and is now just a mindless, soulless, CGI-filled mess. But hey, at least the special effects are cool, right?