Poor Gaten Matarazzo. It’s not enough that he’s trying to be a child actor in Pervy Hollywood, he’s getting bombarded by delusional “Stranger Things” fans. How shocking! I mean, who would have thought that grown adults would lose their minds over a teenage actor? Definitely not me, and not anyone who’s seen ‘Quiet on the Set.’

But fear not, Gaten. We understand the struggles of having to deal with these crazed fans while you’re busy raking in the dough for your hit show. If only it were about the countless selfies and sign autographs and not about being groped by fanatics, or moms openly admitting to crushing on you AS A THIRTEEN-YEAR OL in front of THEIR OWN DAUGHTERS. Classy. I’m sure those daughters will grow up to have a healthy view of relationships and boundaries.

But hey, at least you’re totally content with being known as just a “Stranger Things” cast member. Who needs to branch out and explore different roles or genres when you can just ride the coattails of one successful show forever? And let’s not forget about that cushy job security and steady paycheck (because being a main character on one of Netflix’s biggest hits isn’t enough).

So hang in there, Gaten. We know it must be a struggle to deal with all this fame and fortune at such a young age. But just remember -actors don’t have feeling and you’re legally allowed to perv on them as long as they keep getting those sweet paychecks and staying in the spotlight. Nothing else really matters, right? Right.