Ah, gather ’round for the latest episode in the comedy series known as Waymo’s Wild Rides! Here we have self-driving cars that seem to think traffic laws are mere suggestions, like a toddler testing the limits of parental patience. “Crashing into parked cars”? “Drifting into oncoming traffic”? It’s as if they’re auditioning for a spot in a demolition derby, not ferrying passengers through suburbia!

Then there’s the part where these supposed paragons of automation get bamboozled by a backwards-facing pickup truck. “Oops, didn’t see that coming!” says the AI, blushing in binary. Seventeen crashes, and the response is a software update? It’s like slapping a Band-Aid on a broken leg and calling it first aid.

And let’s talk about their “rapid learning curve.” If this is rapid, I’d hate to see slow. These cars are like moody teenagers learning to drive, except they can update their brains with a quick download. Oh, and they seem to have a particular penchant for the drama of construction zones. “Warning: signs and cones ahead! What do I do? Panic!” Apparently, navigating these zones is still on their bucket list, right after “Learn to Avoid Large, Obvious Objects.”

The NHTSA stepping in feels a lot like a teacher hovering over a failed science project, trying to figure out if it’s salvageable or if it should be quietly disposed of after class. And with every mishap, Waymo just pushes another update, like someone trying to plug a leaking dam with chewing gum.

Oh, and in the midst of this chaos, Waymo decides it’s a great time to jump into food delivery with Uber Eats. Because if there’s anything more reassuring than a self-driving car that can’t avoid stationary objects, it’s one that delivers your pizza. Let’s just hope it doesn’t mistake a garage door for a drive-thru window.

So, here’s to Waymo—may their journey towards becoming “the world’s most trusted driver” be less about literal crashes and more about smashing success. But for now, I’ll keep my seatbelt fastened and my expectations low.