Well, well, well, what do we have here? Another Alien movie? And it’s based on…wait for it…the other Alien movies? Shocking. Truly groundbreaking. Give those creators a round of applause for their innovative idea of recycling their own material.

Oh, and thank goodness those stills don’t give away any spoilers. Because we all know the best part of watching a movie is trying to decipher a convoluted plot and decipher the motivations of underdeveloped characters.

But let’s not forget the real impact of this franchise – inspiring other directors to make their own mediocre alien invasion stories. And let’s not overlook the merchandising, because who doesn’t want a flimsy plastic toy to remind them of a terrifying creature that wants to rip their face off?

And who needs CGI when you can have a guy in a rubber suit? It’s not like technology has advanced in the last fifty years or anything. And let’s not forget the brilliant editing choices – because nothing says quality filmmaking like a dark, loud, jump-scare fest.

But hey, let’s not discount the deeper themes and subtexts of the series. Like, oh I don’t know, the representation of strong female characters or the human fear of the unknown. But who wants to talk about that when we can make fun of rubber suits and merchandising, right?

In all seriousness, the Alien series has definitely left its mark on popular culture and has paved the way for many sci-fi movies to come. And for that, we can all be grateful. But let’s not pretend that this franchise hasn’t been milked for all its worth. I mean, how many times can we watch a group of people get picked off one by one by a scary alien before it gets old?

But who am I kidding, I’ll probably still go see this movie. Just don’t tell anyone I said that.