Folks, let’s just take a moment to appreciate the absurdity of the latest Godzilla flick. I mean, we have a character surviving a direct hit from Godzilla’s atomic breath (because who needs consistency or logic in a kaiju movie?) and now she’s infected with G-cells? Talk about jumping on the Marvel Cinematic Universe bandwagon.

But hey, can you really blame the filmmakers? This franchise has been churning out sequels and spin-offs for over 70 years now. That’s longer than most marriages these days. And yet, here we are, still eating up every new installment like it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

But let’s not kid ourselves, we all know what we’re here for. It’s not the deep and compelling storytelling, it’s the thrill of watching giant monsters destroy cities and humans running for their lives. And hey, I’m not judging, I’m right there with you. But let’s not overlook the fact that we’re talking about a radioactive dinosaur fighting other mutated creatures while humans try to figure out how to stop them with science or ancient legends or both.

And now, we’re throwing G-cells into the mix because apparently, we haven’t reached the peak of absurdity yet. What’s next, Godzilla learning to speak and becoming a motivational speaker for other kaiju? Oh wait, they already did that in the 1998 American remake.

Here are some possible directions the story could take:

1. Noriko Becomes a New Godzilla
2. Noriko Teams Up with Godzilla
3. Noriko Develops New Abilities
4.  Noriko’s G-Cells Attract New Threats
5.  Noriko’s G-Cells are the Key to Stopping Godzilla

But sure, let’s see where this goes. Maybe our G-cell infected character will turn into some sort of kaiju-human hybrid superhero, or maybe she’ll turn evil and destroy Tokyo herself. Who knows? The possibilities are endless, and that’s what makes this franchise so endlessly marketable.

But let’s not forget that while we’re all eagerly anticipating the next installment of the monster cinematic universe, we’re also supporting a franchise that relies on cheap twists and shock value instead of actual character development or plotlines.

But hey, at least we can look forward to Noriko getting a cool monster name when she inevitably transforms into a kaiju. How does “G-Noriko” sound? Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?