It’s that time of year again, folks. The time when the Hollywood elite gather together to pat themselves on the back and give out meaningless accolades in the form of little gold statues. And this year, they’re adding a new category: Best Stunt Performance. Maybe. *Cue eye roll*

Yes, you heard that right. After years of ignoring the brave individuals who risk their lives to make movies more entertaining (and sometimes save A-list actors from looking like fools), the Academy has FINALLY realized that stunt professionals exist. And just in time for 2026 – how convenient! Can’t wait to see them give out this award five whole years from now when we’re all flying around in hoverboards and living on Mars.

But wait, there’s more! The Academy is also adding a category for casting directors – because apparently picking which actor looks best sitting at a desk or holding a phone is considered a major “achievement” in the entertainment industry. Never mind actual talent or hard work, am I right?

Now, Academy CEO Bill Kramer claims they are “always open” to suggestions and evolving with the changing industry. But let’s be real here, they needed some nudging from members within the industry before even considering adding these categories. Because why listen to criticism and suggestions until someone actually gets hurt?

And let’s not forget about Janet Yang’s inspiring words, assuring us that the Academy is like a “living breathing organism,” constantly growing and evolving with society. Well, I guess “breathing” is the key word here, because their pace of evolution is more like a snail’s crawl. Can’t disrupt anyone’s comfort zone or offend any old white men still stuck in their ways, now can we?

But let us also take note that the SAG Awards and Emmys have been honoring stunt professionals for years now, while the Oscars couldn’t be bothered to jump on that bandwagon until it was absolutely necessary. Just like how they ignored diversity in their nominations until #OscarsSoWhite became a trending hashtag.

And speaking of awards shows, can someone explain why there is even an award for “full self-driving”? Are Teslas competing against each other? Or are we supposed to applaud them for finally catching up with every other car company who has had basic functions since the early 2000s?

It seems fitting though, that both Hollywood and Silicon Valley love giving out meaningless accolades as if they actually mean something. I’m sure those stunts were all worth risking your life for when you get handed a little gold statue five years later (if lucky).

But let’s not forget about Elon Musk’s Tesla while we’re at it. Because nothing says “we care about safety” quite like slashing prices up to 20% just months after recalling nearly 300,000 cars over cruise control malfunctions. But please, don’t mention this during our awards show or else you’ll hurt our feelings.

In conclusion: bravo Oscar committee! Bravo casting directors! And most importantly, bravo to the elite group of rich individuals patting themselves on the back once again. Because apparently picking which actor looks best sitting at a desk deserves more recognition than putting your body through hell jumping off buildings or driving dangerously fast cars. Keep evolving slowly folks – wouldn’t want anyone’s cushy lifestyle disrupted too much.