Oh boy, another Star Wars spin-off series. This one’s totally different – it has WHIPS! Because, you know, we definitely need more content in a galaxy far, far away. And this one is especially exciting because it takes place hundreds of years before any of the movies we actually care about. Yay, history class with lightsabers!
And of course, our protagonist is named Mae – because “student of the Dark Side” wasn’t edgy enough, right? Can’t wait to see her struggle through her mission to kill Jedi knights while also trying to maintain her perfect Instagram feed. #TheStruggleIsReal.
But hey, at least we’ll get some sweet Easter eggs for all those hardcore High Republic fans out there. Nothing says thrilling television like references only 0.01% of viewers will understand!
And let’s not forget about the lightwhip – oops, sorry, “lightwhip.” Because adding “whip” to anything automatically makes it cooler… or maybe just more dangerous if you’re into Fifty Shades kind of stuff.
But don’t worry folks, we get a whole thirty seconds previewing this highly anticipated weapon in action. Because clearly that’s what everyone was waiting for instead of, you know, actual plot details or character development. I swear, it’s the following conversation happened over at Disney+ Star Wars:
Star Wars Producer1: “You know what Star Wars needs? Whips.”
Star Wars Producer2: “Stop drillin’, YOU STRUCK OIL.”
And don’t even get me started on the golden robes. Because nothing says “ancient royalty” like a bunch of Sith wearing shiny, gold bathrobes. Can’t wait to see how they accessorize with their lightsabers.
But hey, at least we’ll finally get to see the High Republic era on screen. You know, that time period that’s “relatively unexplored” in the Star Wars canon because, well, no one really cared about it until now.
So get ready for The Acolyte: The Search for More Lightsabers, coming soon to Disney+. Because apparently we can’t have any new female characters who are actually original and don’t just use recycled ideas from previous stories.
